im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
