So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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