I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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