I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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