Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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