You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
