My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
