there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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