i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
