Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
