I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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