I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
