My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
