im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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