just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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