i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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