Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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