you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
