Barsexuality is the new black.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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