my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We are two peas in an std pod
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
