mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
