Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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