I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My breasts were aching with rage.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
