A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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