My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
