Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
