I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
