If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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