I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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