I look better un-naked...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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