Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He better not be in your backpack
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
