you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
