Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
