Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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