he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
What a dumb baby whore.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I could fuck to npr.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
