Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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