i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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