Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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