kristin has been a bad kristin
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
