Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
