Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
