apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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