does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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