I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
