She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
