His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
