i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
