Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
