I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm jealous of your bromance
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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