Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
