My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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