My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
